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Fighting your nature is a losing battle; your only choice is to work with it.

Police chiefs were urged last night to abandon ‘silly stunts’ and get officers back on the beat.

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By expending so much physical effort on a frail little female, you’re implying that you view her as a You wouldn’t try to kill an ant with an eighteen wheeler, so why would you treat your girlfriend like she’s a drunk biker at the bar trying to glass you?

If you’re really worried, making a videotape of the two of you having rough sex will destroy her credibility in the eyes of the police, as if she were making a false rape accusation.

Spanking really is the perfect punishment: it lets you inflict the maximum amount of pain on a girl with the minimum amount of risk to yourself.

They were told their increasingly bizarre gimmicks are undermining the job of tackling crime.

Officers were criticised for garishly painting their nails, posing for photos in bumper cars and stroking puppies for stress relief.But as much as she may deserve it, I recommend uppercutting your girlfriend for a number of reasons.

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